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January 7, 2009OTL – NYR’s – It’s not too late to just say No

From our newsletter Outside the Lines

I have to say, I’m not a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions.

Here’s how they’ve looked for me in the past…

With a not-so-healthy dose of fed-up frustration I look at all the murky things that lurk in the back of my mind, unleash my inner critic and decide
- I’m out of shape
- I’m lazy
- I’m not going fast enough, high enough, deep enough, wide enough
- I’m drifting
- etc etc etc (once you start digging here, you find an endless pile of these *bollocks*)

… and then I decide I’m (miraculously) not going to be any of that come the next day, January, when I wake up.

So I make a list of somewhere between 5 and 55 things I’m going to start doing to Make Me A Better Person, feeling a little bit like Bill Murray’s character in Lost in Translation.

…and then January 8th rolls around

Around about now or maybe just a little later, I discover that I’ve failed, forgotten or flunked pretty much every single resolution.

So I carry on with life until the next December 31 and press “repeat” on the NYR Hamster Wheel of Doom.

Here’s the problem

NYRs often set you up to fail. There are three key factors that scupper things

1. You try and change too much…

I heard Marshall Goldsmith, one of the most successful coaches in the world, say that when he works with people he’s reduced his goal from changing three key behaviours to changing just one.

And yet, with NYRs we so often list SO many things that we’d like to be different.

2. But the context hasn’t changed…

On January 1 you’ve got just as much life going on as you did on December 31.

You’re busy, committed, and have a bunch of set patterns and habits.

And, to give a nod to Darth Vader, “The Force (of-Life-As-It-Already-Is) is Strong.”

3. And self-will just doesn’t hack it

When I read Jim Loehr’s excellent book of The Power of Full Engagement, the thing that struck me most is this key insight:

We just don’t have very much self-will.

Loehr’s program is all about developing healthy habits, because once the habit is established its momentum will carry you along and through.

Grit your teeth and say, “This time I’m REALLY serious”.

So, if you’re going to do one thing …

Don’t.

And here’s my suggestion.

Rather, figure out what’s the one thing you should stop doing that will have the most impact on your life.

One thing you’ll stop.

One thing you’ll eliminate.

One thing you’ll unsubscribe from. (A-hem. I’d prefer it not to be this.)

I figure that you’re probably already filled up.

Don’t add. Try removing for a while.

And let me know in the Comments section below what you plan to eliminate in your life.

Don’t Take My Word For It

Smart folks thinking out loud about why less can be more.

“The more opinions you have, the less you see.”
-Wim Wenders, director

“The more you reason the less you create.”
-Raymond Chandler, writer

“Always do one thing less than you think you can do.”
-Bernard Baruch, businessman

I think less is more when it comes to kissing in the movies.
-Julia Roberts, actress

Read more quotes about less is more in the Quotations section of the Blog here.

Permalink | Posted at 3:48 pm | Categories: Outside the Lines, Stuff that makes me think | Tags: possibilities. great work

Comments (15)

15 Responses to “OTL – NYR’s – It’s not too late to just say No”

I found that spending December 31st looking back and celebrating all my accomplishments put me in the perfect mood to start the New Year with a renewed sense of purpose.

I decided to have one day a week without meetings. I did not declare it loudly around, I did not eliminate any of regular meetings. I just reduced my availability for meetings from five to four days. And created one full day “for work”.
I expect I will become more efficient to do in four days, what I had been doing in five.

I decided to unsuscribe to all the job offers that I receive from many website (and I never read for more than 6 months). As my project is to start working as free-lance it has no more sense to receive that kind of information and marketing information. I receive less mails and have time to dedicate to specialized forums of coaching and to my projects.

And my resolutions for 2009 are 3 wishes: 3 things I decided to be committed with because they are important and I will focus on them.

I decided to shut-up my nagging inner critic. It sounds like something to DO, but actually the minute she begins, I can happily say ’shut up!’ and move on, rather than debating endlessly with truth of my critic. This releases enough energy to do something useful, and that shuts up the critic anyway!

Thanks for the great post – you are quite right about not letting hope triumph over experience when a new approach is necessary!

I have made a decision to eliminate subscriptions to so many newsletters because I find it can be a time waster. I am going to compile a top ten list and only keep my subscriptions to quality newsletters (and no I won’t eliminate my subscription to this one that support me to grow personally and professionally.

I just unsubscribed to many newsletters that I never read — just delete. Of course yours was NOT one of them!! I feel so much better! Thank you for the reminder to focus on what’s important and get the clutter out of the way.

Mid year last year, I began to work on getting myself to the gym. I started slow, and by the end of the year I was going five days a week. Now it is a habit. My car is on automatic pilot when I drop off my daughter. But, I did not lose any weight….actually gained a few pounds! But I refused to worry about it. My goal was to get to the gym, and that was the only thing I would let myself focus on as far as change. Now I am beginning to focus on eating. I am working at not eating when I am not hungry. Simple…but a challenge none the less for someone who ate for lots of other reasons. So far it is going well. I think you are right about one thing at a time. It is easier to succeed if you can focus your mind on only one thing, and if you succeed at that, you have the confidence to tackle something else, next year!

I got off the NYR checklist several years ago and it seems funny to me to see the list mentioned as one more ‘to do’. Frankly I’m tired of all the shoulds in my life. It is busy and fun and at times tiring.

What I did instead is create more of what I care about and for me it is a larger family while still remaining in budget. It been a challenge but each and everytime I feel that I cannot handle this, all I have to do is turn on CBC Newsworld or some other news channel and hear of the airstrikes in Gaza and I am ever so grateful for what I have.

And then I move forward once more and just push all the fluff to the side.

I usually do a reassessment just before my birthday, which is in August. So, New Year’s is a good time to see what needs tweaking.

This year, i’ve kept it very simple.

I’m declaring a war on paper. Well, more to the point, AGAINST paper. I have too much of it everywhere i look. So, culling is in order. Me in one corner, the paper tiger in the other. Besides the daily barrage i get from mail, i’m “hoeing out” as my grandmother would say.

I must have fun every day. E-V-E-R-Y D-A-Y. I put that on hold when i got so serious some time back in October, i think.

Every day of this new year thus far, i’ve done something to combat the paper tiger, and i’ve had fun!

Clearing away the paper will allow space for new things or nothing. Knowing i *must* have fun every day has produced an interesting result: i’m much better about scheduling my time. I’ve been more productive at work and got through two heinous projects.

Great advice!
I just published a much more superficial take on the whole NYR trend after years of hearing my friends/colleagues berate themselves over unrealistic “shoulda coulda wouldas) http://biznik.com/articles/that-new-years-smell

I’ve actually added to my life, but they’re small and necessary. Every time I get on the pc I drink a 20oz bottle of water, and as soon as I get home I light candles. (the scent makes me happy.)

But I’m also slowly getting rid of things–and this is difficult, even if I haven’t been using them for ages. Letting go is initially hard, but afterward I always feel like I can breathe. Right now I’m focusing on clothes and books.

Your newsletter always brightens and encourages. thank you.

Thank you…I find these thoughts witty, helpful and oddly calming. So this is just a thank you – no resolutions!

I am sorting through relationships. Those that do not serve the long term growth of not only the relationship but the relationees will have to end. I have found that there are many instances whereby friendships are formed based on needs and/or agendas that are not positive and based in love. Therefore, some will endure, and some had better not.

I am going to try not to be as responsible for other adults so they can take care of themselves, and try to take care of my own responsibilities.

I plan to eliminate hatred from my life. Not hatred from others, that I can’t change. But hatred from my personality. I’ll try not to judge people before I know what they are going through. I won’t yell when i get frustrated at someone but I will try to understand them and ask them what is wrong. I’m going to try to be more patient with this because it is a difficulty considering that it is my personality to just get to the point of something. I will avoid the people who make this concept harder for me, there is no reason for me to try to be kinder to people who are not willing to be kind in return, but that doesn’t mean that I should be mean in response.

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January 7, 2009OTL – NYR’s – It’s not too late to just say No

15 Responses to “OTL – NYR’s – It’s not too late to just say No”

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