From the OTL Archives (October 2005)

A Tight Grip

My theatrical career got off to a terrible start. I was eight, and in my very first production at primary school (for reasons too long to go into here) I was demoted from a non-speaking part in the one crowd scene … to opening the curtain.

Having been denied my chance to shine on stage, I was determined not to fail at this new role. And so, to make sure the thin cord wouldn’t slip out of my nervous and slightly sweaty grip, I wound it tight around my hand and waited to be given the nod. The opening music started. I tensed in anticipation. My teacher looked at me and gave me the signal. With all my might, I pulled hard to open the curtains.

My hand – still wrapped tightly in the cord – shot up in the air, leaving me hanging suspended an inch above the floor and unable to do anything but swing in the air. Meantime, the curtains had opened about a foot… and they stayed that way until another teacher came to my rescue, unwrapped me and set me down.

Even now that story serves as a useful reminder about the cost of holding on too tightly to things.

Here are places you might look for things you’re holding on too:

• Stuff in your life. What’s on your shelves gathering dust? What’s in your closet?

• People in your life. I’ve come to realise that some friendships have a natural arc to them, and there comes a time when they’ll stop being part of my life.

• Dreams in your life. A conversation with an old friend reminded me how easy it is to still be holding on to a goal that you’ve set years ago, without ever asking “does striving after this goal still serve me?”

• Expectations on “how you should be” in your life. Any of these stories sound familiar? “I need to be the provider, the carer, the never-get-angry, the wise person, the responsible one.” Sometimes these roles stop serving us, and become manacles.

SOMETHING TO PRACTICE

Think of a challenge you’re facing right now, something you’d like to get unstuck on.

What would it be to tighten up on this? How can you hold it closer and tighter and really get a firm grip on it? How will that serve you?

What would it be to relax about this? How you can put some of the burden aside, let it go, manage a “graceful exit”? How will that serve you?

You can download the Action Acceleration Sheet for free here – use it as your worksheet, and move from stuck to action.

Don’t take my word for it

Smart folks thinking out loud about keeping a grip on things. You can read the Quotations here.